


To Be Human

by sharedwithyou



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Humor, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Dark, Dark reader, F/M, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Torture, Mindfuck, Okay but I am really sorry, Psychological Drama, Psychological Trauma, Reader-Insert, Some Heavy Shit, Sorry Not Sorry, Triggers, possible triggers, slight AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-20
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-11-16 16:16:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11256513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sharedwithyou/pseuds/sharedwithyou
Summary: Inspired by To Be Human-SiaWARNING: Possible triggers, psychological and whatnot, dark reader“So this is the infamous Winter Soldier?”“He’s pretty.”“He’s a living weapon, 607.”“What, weapons can’t be pretty? I see you shining your submachine gun all the time.”“Ugh, go clean the floors or something.”“Can’t, Boss said I had to keep an eye on you.”“That’s rich.”“Fine. He said I had to watch and learn interrogation from you.”“Showtime, then.”“Fine. Just not in the face.”“Heh. Like last night?”“It’s just too damn goodlooking to mess with, Agent.”





	To Be Human

**Author's Note:**

> after the whimsical Spidey fic Bucky the Angstmaster is back with another depressing Dark Reader fic
> 
> the Dark Reader part is milder than usual. Still psychological triggers mind you. oh and referenced torture. nevermind this is depressing as shit.
> 
> I need a scale for how angsty my fics are. and how dark. i assume on a scale of 1-10, 10 for angst would be Goodbye and 10 for dark would be Take Me To Church. 
> 
> why do i do this?!?! I'm sorry. but it's still a good fic. 
> 
> leave me a comment if you liked!!
> 
> XOXO Bucky
> 
> P.S. Sia is amazing and To Be Human is the credits song from Wonder Woman which you all need to watch ASAP

 

 

“READY.”

 

“As I’ll ever be.”

“It’s for the soldiers, (y/n). They’re not actually talking to you.”

“Oh really? I thought they were lined up behind us just to check out our asses.”

“It’s our last moments. Do you really want them filled with sarcasm?”

“Nooooo.”

 

“AIM.”

 

“Last chance to make a break for it.”

“I always hated running.”

“I could carry you on my back.”

“So I could shield you from the first spray of bullets?! Hah! I don’t think so!”

 

“SILENCE!!!”

 

The commander roared from his podium, but it was the sudden breeze in the air that finally sent the shiver through your body.

 

Then his metal fingers made their way around yours, and you were still again.

 

The rise in your heartbeat as constant as the bangs in his face, just like the first time you saw him, and the first time he reached his hand to yours.

 

 

 

“So this is the infamous Winter Soldier?”

“He’s pretty.”

“He’s a living weapon, 607.”

“What, weapons can’t be pretty? I see you shining your submachine gun all the time.”

“Ugh, go clean the floors or something.”

“Can’t, Boss said I had to keep an eye on you.”

“That’s rich.”

“Fine. He said I had to watch and learn interrogation from you.”

“I say there’s nothing like firsthand experience but I guess you’ve been behind the glass enough times.”

“As the interrogee!”

Agent 66 laughed and cracked his knuckles, and you flinched like an idiot despite everything. Don’t show weakness. Lesson number freaking one.

Guess you never should have let him fuck you in the bathroom.

But it seemed to get you brownie points so the cost/benefit ratio was okay for now. Maybe he’d even let you sneak in and play with the prisoner later.

“Showtime, then.”

“Fine. Just not in the face.”

“Heh. Like last night?”

 

“It’s just too damn goodlooking to mess with, Agent.”

 

 

“Can I braid your hair?”

“Get out of there 607!”

“It’s so long. Don’t soldiers normally have buzz cuts? Or do special ops get to choose their own hairstyles?”

“Get out of there or you’re in the tank again tonight.”

You rolled your eyes. 66 was supposed to keep the guards away for a few minutes.

“At least let me get him some ice for that shiner.”

You reached towards his eye to poke at the bruise, but he was as unflinching as he’d been through the entire beatdown.

“Move it!” 66 grabbed you by the back of your collar and hauled you out.

“I wanted to touch it!”

“You want to be the sparring dummy again this week?!”

“Fine, fine.”

 

You didn’t have time to see James Barnes look back towards you since Agent banged your head against the door on the way out.

 

 

“You don’t belong here.”

“Hey, you’re talking! Someone tell Boss stat!”

He laughed hollowly as you perched on a chair near his multiple straightjackets.

“What’s so funny Mr. Hydra?”

“Nothing.”

“Come on, that’s the worst thing you can do to a girl. Almost tell her something. It’s like our version of blue balls.”

“Worst thing?” He stared you down with those blue-green eyes, but you stared right back.

“Worst thing you could do to me, anyway.”

“Fair enough.” You waited for him to readjust since the straps must have chafed him half to death by now, but he was still as a statue save for his mouth.

“You act like they’re watching even though you cut the feed.”

“Why would you think I cut the feed?!”

“Come on. Give me a little credit.”

 

You got up from your chair to pace in front of him like the other agents would.

“You seem different.”

“Haven’t eaten in a few days.”

“No. You seem more…human.”

“Human?”

He twitched his mechanical shoulder slightly to make a point, but you were unfazed.

“Your eyes. They look alive.”

He raised his eyebrows at you and you saw his lips form that unconscious clamp that yours had before they broke you.

You never doubted the Organization before; but now, you weren’t sure if they could complete the challenge.

 

The Winter Soldier didn’t look like he could be broken.

 

 

“I know you went to see him again last night.”

“What are you gonna do, tattle?”

“Give me something to do otherwise.”

“Tell the Boss and I’ll say you raped me in the shower.”

He dropped the knife he’d been spinning between his fingers and gave you a murderous look. “You wouldn’t dare.”

“I tried to stop him but he had his baton and I was slippery and naked,” you taunted with a smirk.

“Oh so I’d violate the Agent Relations and Weapon Free Zone codes in one sentence?” He picked up the knife again and pointed it thoughtfully at you. “You’re a bitch, you know?”

“Hey, in our profession it pays to be one.”

And just to prove it, you kicked the knife from his arm before he even lunged at you.

 

 

“I know why they’re letting you in.”

“Letting? I do what I want when I want.”

“Those scars say otherwise.”

“Maybe I’m just into heavy BDSM.”

He eyed you carefully before speaking once more.

“You don’t belong here.”

“So you’ve said.”

“You should go.”

“But I just got here!”

“No. Go. Away from this place.”

 

You sat down on the ground by his feet.

“James Buchanan Barnes.”

“Yes?”

“This is my home. Why would I want to leave?”

“If it’s really your home, why don’t they call you by your name?”

“607 is my name.”

He shook his head, the first real movement you’d seen in days.

 

“Bucky.”

 

“Hmm?”

“That’s what they used to call me.”

You stood up quickly, almost tripping over your own feet. What was this, some reverse psychology Russian tactic?

“What did they used to call you, 607?”

 

You were submerged repeatedly in an ice cold tank for insubordination before you could remember again.

 

(Y/n), Bucky. That was my name.

 

 

“You haven’t visited our little guest lately.”

“Guy gives me the creeps.”

“But he’s so pretty,” 66 mimicked coldly, but you shrugged it off.

“He looks dead. Like there’s nothing in his eyes.”

“Well he is the Winter Soldier.”

But you had lied, and now you needed to find out why.

 

 

“Do they let you poo?”

“Do you really want to know?”

You made a grossed out face, and you swore there was a hint of a smile on his face.

“So what’s the story with you and the old fart?”

“66? We’ve been partners since forever.”

“66 and 607?”

“Yeah. We’re named by the order that we enlisted.”

“How can you have been partners since forever then? He’s over 500 ahead of you.”

“He was the first one who taught me what I truly needed to learn. He was my mentor as soon as I stepped in here.”

 

“You think your only history is in this building?”

 

“I know what you’re doing, Bucky.”

“And that would be?”

“You’re reminding me of my weaknesses. But I’ve only gotten stronger from my failures.”

“Those memories before you were processed into the facility aren’t of your failures.

 

That was your life (y/n).”

 

“What would you know? You’re chained up like a dog and your superpowers can’t do shit about that.”

 

 

“I might be chained up.

 

But you’re the one who needs to be freed.”

 

 

“Do you ever think about the past, 66? Before you joined the Organization?”

“Only in nightmares. After eating really bad chili.”

“Nightmares? You’ve been up to your neck in blood and guts and it’s the past that gives you nightmares?”

“A nagging wife and a crying baby? A life of pathetic complacency? I’d rather be dead.”

You kept your face neutral, but your head was spinning. Things like this weren’t supposed to throw you anymore.

“You were married?”

“What, jealous?”

“Hardly. Just figured she’d have joined up with you if she cared.”

“Didn’t have the opportunity. Had to take her out for my trial mission.”

“Bummer.”

“No, the real bummer was our baby.”

 

“Your baby?”

 

“Get back to work or I’m shoving this pipe between your ribs the next time the Boss goes out.”

 

 

“What is it about you, Bucky?”

“Hmm?”

“Are you even a party of HYDRA? Or are you some sort of training exercise 66 is putting me through?”

“Neither, to be honest.”

“I’ve been here for years. I’ve had the hair ripped out of my scalp, coals piled on my feet, but nothing ever made me question the Organization until I met you.”

“I see.”

“Is this what you want? Is this what they want?! Fine. You’ve broken me, Boss. Are you listening in, huh?! Again. I guess the training really does wear off over time. So stick me in the lab and plug those electrodes in wherever you need to. Anything to put me back in the state I was before you brought the Soldier in.”

You curse and flipped off the cameras, before slumping onto the ground.

Things had been so calm, so easy, before he came.

There was routine, there was ritual, everything was automatic and without a 2nd glance.

You were a machine.

 

Now? You were a broken mess.

 

 

“You passed.”

 

You looked up and he had ripped the bars of the cell open. The straps of the straightjacket were hanging by threads and the ankle bindings were in shreds on the ground.

 

“You…you got out.”

 

“I always could.”

 

“Then…why’d you stay?”

 

He smiled, and it was like the sun rose for the first time in one long, dark winter. “I wanted to see if you could do it.”

“Do what?”

 

“To be human again.”

 

 

And when he grabbed your hand to pull you to your feet, you felt your heart race in a whole new way.

 

 

 

“A long ride of running from the most cunning of enemies, and our untimely demise comes from getting tried for war crimes.”

“Ironic, innit?”

“If you want to run, I’ll go along with it.”

 

“It’s been a long road, (Y/n). I think you’re as tired as I am.”

 

Nobody can live forever. Even after all the cryogenics in the world.

And that’s what it is to be human right?

 

“FIRE!”

 

**To be human is to love,**

**Even when it gets too much,**

**I’m not ready to give up.**

**Author's Note:**

> I'M SO SORRY
> 
> LEAVE ME A COMMENT
> 
> RANDOM RAMBLINGS:  
> quick poll 1: hardest part to read??
> 
> fyi the ending is SLIGHTLY open-ended since i ended with the lyric "i'm not ready to give up"
> 
> reading over this again and I'MI SORRY LOVELIES!!! i promise the next thing i post won't hurt so much!!!
> 
> isn't it awesome how the beginning is morbidly funny, but the whole execution scenario doesn't hit you until the end? yes, it is. also, i'm sorry.
> 
> and in case you find the 'bucky softening up' thing too OOC (which you shouldn't) you need to remember that the brainwashing code words thingy wears off after a while.
> 
> which makes the ending that much sadder.
> 
> WHY. I'M SORRY GUYS.
> 
> talk to you soon lovelies!!! thanks for reading my shit and being here for me!!
> 
>  
> 
> XOXO Bucky the Mindfucker


End file.
